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3/16/2007
Today my boss asked where "the girls" were to tidy up the pantry.
I'm not cleaning it up, and I'm definitely not cleaning it up because I'm female. What do I do?
-Loves Mess
Dear Dirt,
If you were good at math, which you're not since you're a girl, you would have remembered the equation Vagina = Good at Cleaning. Ask a male employee to help you out, redirect the duty to someone lower than you, or go and make it worse. Besides, if they try to correct you for it you always have the Sexist Card: Are you asking me to clean because I'm a woman?
Misogynistic: 7.5 out of 10 (we'll raise it to a 9 if he calls you Honey or Dear)
3/16/2007:
Today my boss: hooted like an owl.
My boss is... unusual, and occasionally he growls to himself in his cubicle. Everyone can hear this and amazingly, no one around here acts like it is that strange. Today he hooted like an owl. What does this mean?
Thanks,
Your Local Ornithologist
LA, CA
Well Ornithologist, You barely made the cut off. I'm posting this because of the CUTE owl pic you sent. And to answer your questions, I'm not sure anyone knows what an owl hoot means. There are three explanations for this. One and the most likely is that your boss is a loon (and don't get us wrong, here at TodayMyBoss.com we are very PC towards the mentally challenged), the second is that he took at least one too many mind expanding drugs while in college, or three he could be scaring away the mice in his office. Good luck and watch out for mice! Hoot. Hoot.
Homophobic: 1 out of 10 (gays hate owls)
Crazy: 3 out of 10 (email us when he actually does catch a mouse and we'll raise
it)
3/16/2007
Today my boss referred to a lesbian as "not a typical woman" and then
everyone laughed.
I'm a lesbian and he doesn't know. What do I do?
Yours,
In the Closet
New York, NY
Oh my closeted friend, I recommend sarcasm. Something along the lines of "Did she forget to wear her apron to work? I hate it when I do that, I feel sooooo naked!" might send your boss the signal that it's not 1950. As far as his homophobia, coming out could impart him with the knowledge that lesbians are so normal he works with one and could never tell!
Xenophobic: 2 out of 10
Homophobic: 4 out of 10
Misogynistic: 5 out of 10
Crazy: 2 out of 10
3/16/2007
Today my boss said, "Look at that nose, there's no way you can be Jewish."
I'm not Jewish, but isn't that still messed up?
Sincerely,
Concerned Gentile.
My non-blessed white brothren, you're right, that is messed up. Linking religious beliefs to biology is very 1941 Germany, aka Nazi. Tell him your Jewish grandmother was severely offended, whether or not she's a Jew. White lies are to put people in their place. If you don't have the backbone to say something, then just email TodayMyBoss and share your misery. Thanks!
Xenophobic: 3 out of 10
Racist: 4 out of 10
Crazy: 2 out of 10
3/16/2007
Today my boss announced at a board meeting that I was "knocked up."
I told him this in confidence so he could start planning for the distant future. I am not very pregnant and definitely not ready to share this information with anyone, even family.
Not yet swollen,
Preggo
Hey Preggo, stop having sex without condoms. How many times have you emailed us? How many times... Condoms, when used correctly are 99.9% effective against pregnancy and sexually transmitted disease. Educate yourself. And since your boss is probably the daddy, I would let him know right now you aren't going to put up with his crap very much longer. If he's gonna be the baby daddy, he had better learn how to keep a secret.
Misogynistic: 4 out of 10
Crazy: 3 out of 10
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