Today My Boss

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3/22/2007
Today my boss marched in and made the following statement:  "Well, my cats are sick and I got my period today.  I woke up this morning and there was puke and blood everywhere!!!"

Is it okay that she said it in front of customers too? YOU KNOW, JUST CHECKING.

-ARG

How appropriate, your initials really are ARG (I confirmed this via the email.)  You know, this isn't that uncommon.  My boss talks about getting his menstrual cycle all the time, but thank god he's allergic to cats.  And nothing says buy our stuff like... ehhh.  GROSS.  Today you win.  And we give you our first honorary 10 out of 10.

Crazy: 7 out of 10
Dumb: 6 out of 10
Ralph Score: 10 out of 10

3/22/2007
Today my boss repeated my name.  Two, three, and sometimes four times.

This wouldn't be obnoxious if he didn't do it every time he said my name, which is often.  And oh yeah, I always answer it's not like I'm ignoring him.  It's like this:  "Name," "Yes?" "Name," "Yes?" "Name," "Yes?"

-I need a harder name to say.

Well Name... Name... Name... Name. Spontaneous speech is filled with disfluencies—unwanted pauses, elongated segments, fillers (such as uh and um), editing expressions (such as I mean and you know), word fragments, self-corrections, and repeated words... Disfluencies have long been used as evidence of planning problems. source

Now knowing that, I would bring a muzzle to work and every time this happened hold it up, point, and laugh. Then say, "seriously boss, you've gotta think faster."

Crazy: 3 out of 10
Dumb: 5 out of 10

3/20/2007
Today my boss asked me to email a celebrity and ask them to dinner.

Scenario: my short, fat, compulsive, self-important, balding, boss is infatuated with Lynda Carter, whom he met at a benefit about 8 months ago. She made the mistake of giving him her email, and now every few days I have to email her, and my boss's friend who knows her personally about scheduling a dinner date.  I get no responses.  Now even I have started to feel a little dissed by old Lynda. When will he get the point?

Wonder Woman
New York, NY

Oh my.  The sex goddess of a generation is ignoring your boss?  Who would have thunk that.  You can't explain someone who thinks so much of themselves that they would e-stalk Wonder Woman.  What is worse is that your boss is too lazy to do even that, but has you his assistant email her for him.  And by the way, isn't she married?  I am sorry to say someone who has this much self-esteem will probably never get the point. Love this story, thanks for sharing.

Dumb: 7 out of 10
Crazy:  8 out of 10

3/20/2007
Today my boss asked me if I was a Republican in front of my colleagues. 

I'm not, but isn't that none of her business?

~Blue States are Great
Greensboro, NC

Dear Red State Hate,

At work or at a party you never talk about politics, religion, someone's sexuality, or someone's weight.  It's something we call etiquette.  Sorry your boss doesn't understand this and doesn't understand privacy. Just for fun, you should tell her you don't vote because you hate freedom, independence, capitalism, and everything this country was founded on. You know, just so you can have better stories to tell us.

Crazy: 3 out of 10

3/19/2007
Today my boss didn't show up... again.

I am giving a presentation to a new client in about twenty minutes and my boss was supposed to show up two hours ago for us to go over all of the information for it.  My info isn't fact checked, my powerpoint presentation appears juvenile, and I'm freaking.  What do I do?  This isn't the first time he has bailed on something important like this.

Freaking
New York, NY

First, take deep breaths.  Think about what you are feeling right now and turn it into something you can use, like anger, determination or self confidence.  You can shine in a situation like this!  If your boss doesn't show up in the next few minutes, you can go ahead and work with what you've got.   When delivering an unchecked fact, just preface it with "our sources show."  That way if the fact was wrong it doesn't appear that it was YOU that was the wrong one.  Don't try to flower up the presentation too much last minute.  Simple is better.  The most important thing to do is let the supervisor above you boss know about this situation.  After the presentation you could email your boss' supervisor a quick note like "___ was supposed to be here with work he/she did for the presentation early this morning.  ___ didn't show up.  I'm worried, have you heard anything?"  Appearing concerned is better than tattling.  Just remember though, this is your fault.

Careless:  7 out of 10

3/19/2007
Today my boss wrote me up for calling my other coworker an "old coot."

I'm not sure he understood the meaning, I mean he was really offended.

Sincerely,

Confused
Somewhere in MN

I can't believe you are using language like that in the workplace!  We have a lax language policy here at TodayMyBoss, (thank God) but it's always good to know every meaning of the word you are using.  When I was in the sixth grade my mother picking me up from school announced in front of many students and teachers, "Why, it's colder than a cooter out here!" I never lived it down.  Remember a coot and cooter is just a bird and a turtle, respectively.

Crazy:  5 out of 10
Dumb: 10 out of 10

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