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i hate my boss, i hate my boss, i need a new job,
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4/5/2007
My boss is a professor at a well-known, snooty private university. Said
workplace has a very hierarchical power structure. Since I am merely a salaried,
professional peon (below professor status though above any of those HOURLY
serfs), my opinion isn't worth a whole lot to her.
Last week my boss asked me to write a research paper about why we should make a key change in policy that I suggested. My recommendation was based on my years of experience running the exact type of program they were trying to set up. Rather than accept my reasoning at face value, this professor wants me to "prove" my value to her? Today My boss handed that paper back to me, covered in chicken scratch suggestions and asked me to revise it. ??????
Did I suddenly fall back in time through graduate school and even undergrad all the way down to high school English? (p.s. She's not even a native speaker of English and most of the revisions she wanted me to make were incorrect.)
Rapunzel,
Ivory Tower
Hey Rapunzel, Sorry your ESL boss thinks she can school you in your own language… if only you spoke Moron you could school her in hers. Make the corrections even if they are wrong, and tell everyone she wrote it. That way, she can have all the unfortunate glory that comes with looking like an idiot in a very public way.
FURTHERMORE, only a moron would make you write a report about a suggestion. Like a report is needed for any idea coming from you to have merit.
Tactless: 7 out of 10
4/4/2007
Today my boss told me all about how he loves Sanjaya.
I don't watch American Idol and I don't even know who that is. Talking about TV - especially that show - is too much for me to handle while at work.
Would Rather Read,
Maine
Hey Nerd, Time to tune into what everyone else is doing - wasting away watching a 17 year old with no talent embarrass himself on a weekly basis. Don't let on to your boss that you think this form of entertainment is dumb. Here are some talking points for the next time he brings it up: "I really prefer the mohawk to the straight look" and "Sure, Melinda can sing, but she just doesn't measure up on the cuteness factor." You've already got a raise.
Ridiculous: 5 out of 10
4/3/2007
Today my boss asked my coworker if I have a boyfriend.
He's 70, and that's… inappropriate, right?
Single and Grossed Out,
Delaware
Hi Grossed Out, There's no better way to be single and ready to mingle than when a high-level septuagenarian inquires about your status. In the game of life, you just scored big time. Why does he want to know, anyway… is he willing to treat you to a movie at his senior citizen discount? Because then and only then should you let on that you're single.
Ralph Factor: 6 out of 10
4/3/2007
Today my boss didn't move in on the train.
You know how it is when you are on a busy train. If you are next to the door, you move in to make room. Usually only thugs and self important hot things don't feel the need to do this forcing riders to squeeze through. Today I was in the same train car as my boss. He didn't move in.
Thanks,
Rush Hour Hater,
NYC
RHH, You aren't the only one who hates these folks. Everyone who rides the train hates them. And most of the time, they hate themselves. No one can be that self-important, to think that people enjoy squeezing by them to get onto a train... you know when taking one step back would open up the path to an otherwise negotiable train. No one could be that self absorbed... could they?
Asshole: 8 out of 10
4/2/2007
Today my boss called me a "jackass" in a silent library.
Some of the patrons looked up at her and all I could do was blush. Reprimanding employees is a given, but name-calling?
~Smart(ass),
Tennessee
Dear Smarty, If you're such a jackass maybe you could remind her the next time she scolds you so publicly: "Hey boss? We work in a library, can you keep it down?" Or grab an etiquette book off the shelf and say, "Heard this is a good one - have you read it?" We say, use your new name to the best of your abilities.
Careless: 6 out of 10.
4/2/2007
Today my boss changed in front of me.
I'm this rich married dude's personal assistant. I'm gay, it's true, but no-one would ever want to see this man with his shirt off. (That's all he really did was change his shirt.) But I'm not sure his body has seen sun in years... and there is a lot... of body.
Yours,
GROSS
UES, NYC
Yowser. Next time that happens just yell out MOBY DICK. Although, dick might not be the word you'd want to yell out in this situation. If he's really rich, I'm thinking blackmail. Always have that digital camera ready, shield your eyes, and go in for the shot.
Ralph Factor: 6 out of 10
4/2/2007
Today my boss called my wife to ask her if I was "lying" about being sick.
When she said I very much was sick on Friday he then called her a liar, in which my wife said it only sounded like he was half joking. Later today he announced to the whole floor that I may not be coming in this Friday because he predicted that I may again come down with something.
How do you prove the stomach flu?
Durahm, NC
Dear Ill, I will validate you. Your boss sucks. You know, my father never let me say the word "lie" or call someone a "liar." It's a dirty word. Thank goodness we were taught to have manners, not to use inflammatory language, and to respect privacy (i.e. not ask anything about a sick day.) You win, he's a loser.
Crazy: 7 out of 10
3/30/2007
Today my boss caught me looking at
Perez Hilton online and he told me not to "ruin my mind with that fairy
junk."
But I love escaping the numbness of my workday with a little Queen of Media celebrity gossip…
~Bored at Work
Kentucky
Dear Bored, Who doesn't love Perez! We are big fans at TodayMyBoss.com, and promote it as a cure for common workday boredom (CWB). Sounds like your boss has a little secret of his own – how did he know about "fairy" Perez anyway? What's he do in there with his office door closed? WHO'S THE FAIRY NOW?!
Homophobic: 8 out of 10
3/30/2007
Today my boss came up to my desk as I was eating lunch and said, "Good thing
you go to the gym!"
I was eating leftover pasta from last night, nothing extreme. Maybe it's his schoolboy way of flirting? Anyway, it's rude!
Sincerely,
Eats When Hungry
Texas
Dear Fats, You need to get it under control with your habit of eating during
lunch hour. That is an hour dedicated to celery sticks and stair climbing. It is
bad etiquette to give in to your every urge. But seriously, you should have
said, "It's OK, I'm about to go push eject" and gauged your boss's response.
Nothing quiets the storm like bulimia.
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Cool: 10 out of 10
3/28/2007
Today my boss talked to me for 10 minutes about the power of Jesus Christ.
I'm new here, and I don't feel comfortable telling him it's not appropriate. Oh, and I'm an atheist.
~About to Quit, Maryland
My Godless Peer, It is so inappropriate to talk about the magic of Jesus in an office place. Maybe you could say, I actually have some work to do, I'm sorry! P.S. We're sorry you don't have faith in your boss or Jesus. You should really repent and accept Him already, because waiting till your deathbed is just so trite.
Careless: 6 out of 10
Xenophobic: 5 out of 10
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3/28/2007
Today my boss 'blistered himself in the sun.'
Or so says my coworker, who walked in on something methodically fishy in the restroom. TMI? It was for me. Since I heard I can't get rid of the urge to wash my hands. I mean, he touches everything!
--Dirty
Boston, MA
Big hand I know you're the one!! You could always say something like "I hope everything came out all right," but then that might just be too much. I'm sorry, I have no advice for you except carry around hand wipes.
Careless: 10 out of 10
Dumb: 10 out of 10
Ralph Factor: 10 out of 10
We are sure this fits a few other categories as well...
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3/27/2007
Today my boss presided over a staff meeting at which one of my coworkers was
sound asleep. I thought he was going to fall out of his chair.
Another coworker kicked me under the table to draw my attention to the sleeper, and the sleeper's supervisor seemed to know she kicked me. Deeply dysfunctional staff meetings are the norm; I'd be happy to share the stories whenever a good one takes place.
-Peeved in Pennsylvania
Thanks Peeved! What supervisor doesn't have the cahoonas to wake up an employee at a staff meeting. We would call him Mr. No Balls. And tell your coworker to kick the person sleeping next time. If you all have to experience the dysfunction, so should he. With a boss like that we look forward to more stories.
Careless: 8 out of 10
3/26/2007
Today my boss had a work conversation with me while in the men's room.
I was leaving, he was coming in. I never thought that would weird me out, but it sure did.
-Weirded
New York, NY
Oh weirded, that's weird. We at Today My Boss think that the bathroom is only for business... and not business.
Ralph Score: 3 out of 10
3/26/2007
Today my boss is playing video games in his office…
unless his printer sounds like gun shots and his phone ringing is the sound of an engine revving and people screaming. Help?
New York, NY
Sounds like your boss accidentally forgot to grow up. You are making the mistake that age is related to maturity, which it's clearly not. Unless your boss is a 14 year old boy just releasing his pent up aggression from getting caught reading Playboy over the weekend. Cut him a break, parents can be really harsh. We say ignore him and email us when he wins the game.
Careless: 8 out of 10
Dumb: 8 out of 10 (Turn the sound off or put on headphones... duh.)
3/26/2007
Today my boss reported in graphic detail how he saw a woman vomit on the
train this morning.
I'm queasy now.
--Barfy
Washington, DC
So so so so sorry. I have a weak stomach myself. The less said, the better.
Ralph Score: 7 out of 10
Crazy: 3 out of 10
Dumb: 2 out of 10
3/26/2007
Today my boss... well everyday my boss walks into the office and slams his
briefcase on the edge of my cubicle.
When I say slam, I need to drive home the fact that it's incredibly loud and jarring. Then he opens the briefcase, which is then resting on the edge of my cubicle, searches through it for his office key, then tells me he left it at home. Then I have to open his office door for him. I really don't mind about opening his office, but what's with the slamming of the briefcase on my desk? What is with that?
Yours,
Wincing
New Jersey, NJ
Ever try screaming and running away when he does that? Perhaps you could fake some post traumatic stress syndrome. Nothing like an early morning AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH to get the blood flowing. This might key him into the fact that you are actually a person. This means you are affected by loud noises, have emotions, and can think for yourself! Good luck with this one.
Crazy: 6 out of 10
Careless: 4 out of 10
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